Hello, Friend

Hello, friend. It’s been a while.

Depending on how long you’ve been following me since my 2012ish blogging debut, you’ll have noticed that a once active forum has slowly eroded to a sprinkling of entries, until devolving into one or two posts a year. This is an attempt to get in at least one before the closeout of 2022. I have merely a few days…

This was a blog post that I had planned for well over a year, but each time when I would formulate my thoughts I would procrastinate the undertaking. Then become inspired to write it again, reworking and updating my thoughts, only to, once again, procrastinate to nonexistenceness. And thus the cycle would perpetuate. There were always new topics I would plan to discuss, but even more reasons why I couldn’t get around to sharing them. It’s all bullshit, of course. It usually is. That’s not to say that there hasn’t been a handful of legitimate roadblocks, but to pretend that I never had time would be completely disingenuous. If it’s one thing I generally have plenty of, it’s time. Maybe not in the overall scheme of things in terms of life expectancy (there’s that Doom & Gloom you expect from me!), but definitely in the day to day.

I literally just read my previous Closing Doors entry and it seems that not much has changed in the last three years. I didn’t get back to writing and/or self-publishing any of my writing (nor did I write anything new, which I always have a yearning for). A pandemic put a lock down on playtesting my board game and most social interactions. I did attempt to reboot my YouTube channel, which was a slow process until some additional Life situations brought that to a complete halt. I guess it’s just the “same shit, different year” scenario.

That shit is depressing, but it is what it is.

Instead of dwelling on that, which I’m pretty sure was the original plan, I’m going to try shifting gears towards a more positive outlook. Where 2020-2022 wasn’t leveraged very well in achieving the various goals I had, and this year quite literally being soul-crushing in many ways, I want to believe that it can be turned around. I will instead focus on what my current goals and challenges are.

Some goals/challenges with my board game:

• Starting a business. While I could merely sell the idea to a company, I would actually have to pitch the game and be fine with said company changing it however they want. That’s if a company was even interested and didn’t instead just adapt it on their own. I mean, it’s not some groundbreaking, original game design. Then there is the fact that I want to own it, and it’s success and/or failure to rest solely with me. Even if it crashes and burns I would like to think I would be proud that I at least tried. If nothing else, I would learn a lot throughout the process.

• Figuring out the art and graphic design. I always thought that I would continue drawing over the years, but once high school was over and I was out in the really real world, I just stopped. Had I continued over the decades then maybe this aspect of the board game wouldn’t be an issue, I could just create all the art myself. As it is, that’s not possible. And while what I have mocked up for the prototype works, it is no where near the quality of what a professional graphic designer/artist can accomplish in even a fraction of the time. The issue of being able to afford someone to fulfill this role is prominent.

  • The introduction of AI art as an option gave me initial hope that I could quite possibly create the art assets for the game, which would be preferred, but it is met by many within the gaming community with much contention and hate. If AI does indeed steal and plagiarize from others, I understand this sentiment. If it can be utilized in a way that avoids doing so, I think it would be a powerful, useful tool for someone like myself.

• More playtesting. This is the simplest issue to resolve now that the pandemic is over and more and more people are growing accustomed to social gatherings again. However, an issue remains revolving around introducing the game to people I don’t know until a business and proper protections are established. Might be overly paranoid, but I consider it cheap insurance.

• Kickstarter and marketing. I will undoubtedly fuck this up. All I feel I can do is watch videos and read articles about creating a successful KS campaign. Even then, the odds are I will mess a lot up, especially if doing it all on my own, but hopefully I will learn a lot during the process.

• Fear of failure, fear of success. Fear of failure is pretty self explanatory. The fear of success revolves around the need to maintain the game(s) created and business(es) associated with them. It has been suggested that if ran as “one-offs” the burden would be greatly reduced. No focus on retail, only KS and fulfilling that. Reprint if ever needing.

Some goals/challenges with my writing:

• Starting a business. Like with the board game, I am curious if needing to establish a business is necessary for self-publishing my writing, or if that is something done automatically via the forum I self-publish at.

• Finish Volume 3 of my Bloodlines series. Since I stopped participating in the annual A to Z Challenge, I haven’t written the conclusion to the flash fiction trilogy. That coupled with the passing of one of my grandmothers have caused me to stop writing completely. I wish to change this and to finally continue the third part of the series, which I’ve had most chapters planned/plotted for years.

• Dedicate time to writing. Self-explanatory. Stop with excuses and just write. Even if mere sentences, a mere handful of words on a given day.

• Fear of failure, fear of success. Same as with my board game, just tailored towards writing. The expectation to maintain and continue writing is overbearing. Thinking of anything self-published as “one-offs” may help.

Some goals/challenges with my YouTube channel:

• Focus on shorter content. Attempt to reduce the length of videos, specifically Unboxing/What’s in the Box?! videos (sticking to just showing components, not explaining how the game is played).

• Focus on what I am passionate about. Do videos that I want to do, regardless of what videos people say I should do. Associated with this would be not taking negative feedback to heart, but still learning from constructive criticism. Don’t be discouraged if someone doesn’t like the content, especially if I enjoy making it. It can’t be for everyone.

• Learn a video editing program. Maybe. Editing is a pain in the ass and at least OBS has allowed me to “fake” it in a lot of ways. It is time consuming, but also something I cannot hire for, so…

• Stream Deck. Look into potentially buying a Stream Deck XL, which would help with a lot of the OBS functionalities.

Alright, I think I’ve managed to successfully shift the tone of where this entry was originally heading. Not that that means in another three years when I look back at this post I’m not still stuck in the same place I am now. It is what it is. For now, I will leave this where it’s at, something to refer to in the coming year as I attempt to overcome some of these challenges. The more melancholy discussion/thoughts can be shared in a future entry I may likely never get to!

No promises, but I thank you for taking the time and following along. Hope you had a Merry Christmas and have a great New Year’s Day!

Have you procrastinated your dreams and passions? What has helped you become motivated to achieving your goals? Have you ever started your own business? What was/is the process like? Have you ever attempted running a Kickstarter or another crowd-funding campaign? If so, what for? What was the experience like? Have you ever self-published? If so, what was that experience like? With any of these experiences, what did you learn from the process?