It's safe to say that my time spent in the Blogosphere has been brief when compared to others, especially considering how sparse my contributions have been in that time frame. And while I understand, possibly unbeknownst to some less familiar, that the bonds created can be a bit fickle, it doesn't detract from the fact that real, positive friendships are made. And that the people you come into contact with can leave everlasting impressions.

This is one of those people.

A to Z 2014 : MOMENTS

(An A to Z 2014 Challenge Entry)

Life is full of moments. Moments of all various sorts.

Scary Moments: You find yourself lost out in the woods and you’ve never watched an episode of Man Vs. Wild or Survivor. Your significant other is “late”... you know what I mean… Your significant other’s pregnancy test comes up positive.

Relieving Moments: Your significant other is “back on track”... You passed an important exam. You swerved just in time to miss a suicidal animal hurling itself across the road.

Happy Moments: Your favorite team just won another game. You found a 10$ bill on the ground. Shit… a 5$ bill. Hell... a 1$ bill. Who am I kidding? A fucken penny… Your significant other’s pregnancy test comes up positive (see, they can overlap).

Embarrassing Moments: Oh My Nuts, my fly has been down this whole time? I hope no one saw me walk into that pole while texting on my phone. Having your pants pulled down as a practical joke while going commando. Being asked how “far along” you are, when not pregnant.

Awkward Moments: Congratulating someone on being pregnant and/or asking when the baby is due, when not being entirely 100% positive said individual is pregnant. Don’t be that person. Ever. Please. Showing up to a Swingers party and expecting it to be a dance-based party (though, bedroom dancing is a thing).

Funny Moments: Every moment shared with me is funny. Except when it’s not…

Defining Moments: You fall in love for the first time. Your first child is born. You survive “fill-in-the-blank” said traumatic/life and death situation. Your parents are murdered and you are left with a massive inheritance and a thirst for justice that will fuel your obsession with vengeance that can only be accomplished while masquerading in a bat suit.

And so on and so forth. There are millions of these moments that exist for each and every one of us. Some positive, some negative.

But then there are moments when you attempt to reheat a steak, egg, and cheese bagel meal from McDonalds, and you come to find it was in the microwave too long and the cheese has gone awry and the sandwich now exists as a hot mess.

Followed by the moment you realize that, unless you wash a fork, the only utensil at your disposal is a spare, plastic spoon from Dairy Queen.

But you have one of those defining moments of realization that your momma didn’t raise no fool.

And you go to town and you make that spoon work...

Do you have specific moments you will never forget? What are some Life defining moments you’ve experienced?

BEDiM 2013 : DAY 23

(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

Alright, no cheating tonight. Nothing but genuine time and effort on tonight’s entry. Let’s hope it isn’t a doozy.

Today prompt:

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you.

Hmm... interesting. This could take some time to contemplate. So many lessons, but did I ever learn any of them?

Life Lessons

#1: Keep your dick in your pants.

This was offered to me, right off the bat, from a friend sitting across from me after I told her what the challenge prompt was. I politely told her that I believe they very much so taught that at school. So we need a new starting lesson.

New #1: You can’t always get what you want.

I learned this early in life, and it wasn’t specifically taught in school. I’m sure in it’s infancy it revolved around toys and food. Though, I’ve found if dedicated/determined enough, you can get a batch of pot brownies even if it’s placed out of reach on top of the fridge. I guess this is usually associated with materialistic things, but could include metaphysical desires like love of specific people.

The Rolling Stones do a decent rendition on the topic, and I will — forever more — associate the song with the opening to the pilot of Californication. If you don’t mind vulgarity and sex, I highly recommend it. David Duchovny is splendid.

#2: It‘s okay to kill someone as long as they are a bad person.

I will credit this lesson to Dexter*. It’s important to be 100% positive, and it’s equally important (at least up to Season 3 where I am currently at) that you follow the specific Code of Harry. I’m squeamish when it comes to blood, but it's nice to know if it came down to it, I can right the wrongs of others. As long as I keep it a secret and... well... I suppose working for the police would help.

#3: Always make sure a woman isn’t a Cylon before sleeping with them.

Thanks BSG* (Battlestar Galactica)! Actually, come to think of it, I may not care Cylon or not... *shrugs* Don’t judge! Plus if something happened to her, there would always be a replacement. Just saying... DON’T FRACKING JUDGE ME!

#4: Always Double-Tap zombies.

Sound advice from Zombieland! If you refuse to follow this rule, you have no one to blame but yourself when you become an undead chew toy.

But, make sure famous celebrities are actually minions of the underworld before you fuck them up. Unless you dislike them. Then have at it.

Also, fuck running zombies.

#5: Never feed a Mogwai after Midnight.

Personally, I feel you can get them wet to multiply them. I’d want an army of Mogwai. If one gets out of line? Throw the fucker in bright light (or a microwave) as an example to the rest of the Runt Brigade.

Feeding them, though? Oh hell no. Ugly bastards and I’ve no desire to try to save the world from an army of Gremlins.

#6: Avoid red shirts in space.

If you find yourself exploring the vast reaches of space, are on a reconnaissance mission, and you are wearing a red shirt... consider yourself fucked. That is all.

#7: Always bet on black.

Thanks Blade! Stay out of trouble, bro. Pay your taxes! The human race needs you to exterminate all the vampires!

#8: The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

Who says TV and movies corrupt the mind?! They are nuts. There are obviously many very important life lessons to be learned and garnished from such forms of entertainment. Hopefully some of these lessons I’ve imparted to you enrich your lives in all manner of positive fashion.

*Please refrain from Dexter and BSG spoilers. I am behind on ALL the things :-(

Are you already familiar with any of the lessons above? Are you a fan of any of their origins?