(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)
Ah,
fresh off a list of incredible life lessons learned outside the
classroom, and I feel hot to trot; on top of the world. I really liked
writing that post. I began on a serious note, and had more serious lessons lined up, but then I just slipped right into the absurd. It felt great. I feel great! Nothing can bring me down!
Today’s prompt:
Day 24, Friday: Your top 3 worst traits.
Fuck me...
The Worst of Me
This
lady is seriously killing me. The demand for so many pictures and the
bipolar up and down — back and forth — of positive to negative topics.
This
topic is kind of loaded, because there is potentially so much about
myself I could view in a negative light. I may need a little help from
my friends...
1. I live in a state of Denial (Which allows me to live in a state of Awesomeness).
Thanks
“friends” for your contribution... seriously. I live in a state of
denial. I placed the additional part to spruce it up some. Perhaps I can
work this short list backwards, the opposite of yesterdays list. From
funny to serious.
Where
to touch on this, I’m not sure. I feel it could be true in some sense. I
think we all live in some state of denial in one way or another.
Perhaps thinking that I’m not Diabetic, when in fact — after months/years of neglecting my health — it is very
possible that I am. I feel this is a good example. Even with my newly
acquired workout regimen, it is likely my bad habits have already done
their dirty work; damage done. I can feel the damage. And how do I deal
with these factors? I ignore them. I avoid doctors. I refuse medication.
I honestly believe I got this,
yet simultaneously feel I am doomed. It’s pretty nifty. Guess I feel
being I overcame it once before, I can again. But what if I squandered
too much time after I stopped maintaining my health?
Hence believing damage done.
2. I allow my Social Anxiety power over myself.
I’ve
already touched on this subject a handful of times. My social anxiety
interferes with most facets of my life. Family, friends, work, business,
pleasure; it knows no bounds. If any situation is new and unfamiliar,
my SA rears it’s ugly face and takes over.
I
have made fairly decent progress over the years, but it still seems to
be a consistent issue. Once it’s overcome, I feel my life will change
drastically. Mostly for the better. In an odd way, I do think it keeps
me from engaging in less than favorable activities. An odd
counterbalance of sorts.
3. I am a Coward.
Not
sure I know exactly how to explain this, and I can’t recall if I’ve
brought it up before. During my spiritual journey of self-discovery, I
felt I uncovered a handful of lessons I was to learn in life. One was
being more forgiving/learning forgiveness. Not just learning it, but
managing and balancing it. The balancing aspect is an ongoing endeavor.
Stating
I am a Coward doesn’t exactly seem a lesson, but perhaps finding
Courage would be more accurate? Again, I’m not sure how to articulate
it, but I felt like it was something I had to overcome.
I
feel there are many times in my life I’ve failed to act, whether to
help someone or help myself. When I think of Cowardice, though, I feel
it revolves more along the lines of helping others. I see someone in
trouble, or know someone is in a bad place, and I just ignore it. This
isn’t just on a stranger level, but with people I know personally, if
not intimately.
This may have a role to play in the White Knight Syndrome.
The desire to help people, even when most times you can’t technically
“save” them, especially from themselves. There are some specific
instances that may have induced trauma, which also factor into my belief
that this is a trait I have and must overcome.
I’ve
struggled with this, internally, for some time. There are certainly
instances where I have been courageous, times I’ve helped someone (both
stranger and loved one), but there are some situations that seize me. I
become semi-petrified in a Fear-Locke (I am spelling Locke that way due
to my love of LOST).
When this happens I can’t move. I want to, but I become so afraid that I
can’t do anything. My mind races, and the urge to act surges, and I
just... sit there; immobile. It is frustrating and maddening. Soon I
fall into a state of... ambivalence? Indifference? Where I just ignore
the situation/occurrence, only to be later haunted by my inaction and
“what if” scenarios.
I
would have to touch on that more specifically as it’s own topic to
flesh it out more, but hopefully it gives a small glimpse into what I
mean when calling myself a Coward.
So kudos to this Jennifer host for really knowing how to fuck with your head during this challenge Kudos indeed.
Any thoughts or feelings about my listed traits? Do you have any undesirable traits you’d like to share? Misery loves company...
![A to Z 2017 [FLASH FICTION]: REFLECTIONS](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/551a2e0ee4b0bf065e1b3b3f/1494776923372-FIAN9DV6OKANFI5Q72ZD/atoz2017banner.png)
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It’s been a long while. I briefly discuss some of this year’s shortcomings, and in doing so, find it’s just more of the same.
Then I attempt to give a more positive spin…
Extra Life Game Day 2021 has arrived! It’s Year 8 for myself and I am looking forward to once again raise money for Gillette Children’s Specialty Healthcare. Team Cryton Crusaders is ready (kind of) for the annual fundraising event involving a 24-Hour Gaming Marathon! I kept last year’s fun, but likely impossible Milestone to reach!
Learn more about the challenge where my team and I play games and heal kids!