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REMEMBERING A FELLOW BLOGGER

REMEMBERING A FELLOW BLOGGER

It's safe to say that my time spent in the Blogosphere has been brief when compared to others, especially considering how sparse my contributions have been in that time frame. And while I understand, possibly unbeknownst to some less familiar, that the bonds created can be a bit fickle, it doesn't detract from the fact that real, positive friendships are made. And that the people you come into contact with can leave everlasting impressions.

This is one of those people.

SAYING GOODBYE


*Static*

Hello…? Is there anybody out there…?

*Slaps laptop… static continues*

Testing… 1… 2… 5…

*The static fades some, but there still remains frequent moments of clarity failure when it resumes its fevered pitch*


NOTE: I started writing this post in Dec 2013. It was meant to be written well before that, and has since undergone many changes in its development. Originally it was meant as a misleading, emotional post where I pretended to be seemingly fed up with blogging and saying my final goodbyes, but then I merely say goodbye to my hair (which I had just gotten cut at the time) and an old belt that broke (and eventually due to timing, my car). There was then a rough patch where I thought it would possibly represent the departure from a relationship. Eventually I did stop blogging, and cut myself off from a handful of relationships, so the tone went from playful to very personally emotional.

I had planned for this to be my final post for The Cryton Chronicles — in its current form — and in a way it may retain that denotation. At least in terms of personal blog posts. I plan to continue posting trailers and participate in blog hops, in the meantime. I will highlight where I picked this entry back up to complete it with a *** marking.

It’s been well over a month since I’ve last written anything. The day before Thanksgiving 2013, to be precise, though technically I was still working on my NaNo pieces around that time too. NaNoWriMo 2013 was a failure overall in my mind. Sure, people may say that since I actually wrote 15k words (or possibly 20k since I stopped updating towards the end) it was a success. In that, they wouldn’t be wrong. The writing of any words, especially in my case, is an achievement one shouldn’t scoff at. Though the more pretentious, holier-than-thou types may.

Fuck ‘em. Pricks.

It isn’t so much the word count (and definitely not the reaching of the 50k word count goal) that registers this past NaNo as a failure with me. More so, the breakdown of the original NaNo group, consisting of members I met in 2012 — which greatly helped in the encouragement of writing during the challenge. The odds are, had I not met all of those individuals and created friendships with them (which waxed and waned over the past year), I wouldn’t have come close to reaching my goal. Perhaps I would have skipped NaNo altogether, as I had in the years past.

I may have never began blogging or dabbling again in fiction writing, resulting in a block being allowed to continue it’s twelve year reign of terror, frustration, and depression. Despair. It’s hard to explain the feelings derived from undergoing an experience like writer’s block — an experience many claim is mythical and impossible. It wasn’t (isn’t) make-believe to me.

But NaNo 2012 did happen, said people were met and became loosely connected to my life from that day forward. I did reach 50k words. I did begin blogging. So far that burning urge to continually put words to page still exists, even if I haven’t written at a capacity I had planned for the past eight months. Chances Hopes are that it never completely fades, but to it hadn’t during the twelve year block, so it stands to reason it wouldn’t now.

Coming out of NaNo 2012 I felt more vibrant and empowered, a bit more confident in my writing, regardless of how wretched I thought my 50k were. The first few months into the new year were full of various meet ups and gatherings (some writing based, others not), which was a desire expressed by many of the NaNo group.

Then time passed, and as it passed, so too did the honeymoon phase. It may have been felt more on my end. As is natural in most social circles, couples inevitably drift and bond closer to other couples, while singles are left, more or less, out of the loop. Then couples get married and/or have children, bringing them even closer to those couples in similar life stages. Being a single male and all, I felt I identified less and less with others in the group. Feeling as though I had no real place among them, being inched out little by little. Whether real or imagined, it seemed the path taken and choices made by a handful of those within the group solidified that feeling.

Anyways, I feel myself getting off track, as I’m so oft to do…

***

NaNoWriMo 2013 was different. There were hardly any gatherings, and the majority that were made were canceled. There wasn’t much encouragement among friends. Sure, I could have attended write-ins and met an entirely new group of people, maybe creating similar friendships as I did back in 2012, but that’s not what I wanted. If I were to meet new friends, it would be while spending quality time with my original writing group.

No dice.

Needless to say, by the end of NaNo 2013 I felt pretty much on my own. This lead me to follow through the process of making that my reality.

It can be really hard to differentiate intuitive feelings from worries and fears stemming from assumptions rooted in insecurities. Sometimes incredibly hard, and I’ve expressed some of my close calls in the past — of disconnecting from loved ones and the world at large — when I wrote more frequently about my personal experiences; when I wasn’t strictly posting trailers or for blog hops.

But I felt I was following my intuition and went through the process of disconnecting from almost the entire NaNo 2012 group, deleting over half of my Facebook contacts (though, oddly I left everyone on my GChat. To be fair, I rarely use it), and deciding to take a hiatus from blogging. Slowly some people have resurfaced in my life, but it’s been on a case by case basis.

During my hiatus, I focused my time elsewhere, but if I had to be honest, never budgeting it optimally. Time management is an area I lack in, unfortunately.

I eventually found my way back to blogging via the A to Z Challenge this year, as some of you know, but already find myself behind as usual; a factor contributing to my hiatus. While I may be back for the blog hops, I feel my time here will be brief. This doesn’t necessarily mean I will be done with blogging and/or writing, but that it may not be done here. Time will tell, but I will likely give more information about this departure at the appropriate moment; when more certain of my plans.

So, this is essentially my “goodbye” post. To my hair, belt, my car, friends — old and new (online and irl) — but thankfully not my current relationship. Though, admittedly, as readers begin to connect who is who, feeling I have the freedom to discuss various aspects of my relationship(s), whether positive or negative, becomes much narrower.

In case it’s never been said enough, I just want to thank each and every one of you that has ever taken the time to stop by and read my ramblings here at The Cryton Chronicles! You all are awesome, and if I happen to make an attempt at pastures that may not exactly be greener, but newer, I will be sure to let you know.

I pinky swear.

I will end this entry with a brief poem I wrote during NaNo 2013:

Remember, remember
The 9th of November
Thinking themselves sly
They cast forth that fateful die

Regardless of thoughts or deliberation
Soon the time will be at hand
For all to bear witness in anticipation
Exactly how that die shall land



Have you ever had moments where you wanted to completely disconnect from the people in your life and/or the world? If so, have you ever stopped yourself from following through with it? How? How did you re-associate with those you disconnected from, if at all? Have you ever wanted to move somewhere and attempt to completely restart your life? Have you ever transitioned to a new blog or website host? If so, what were/have been the pros and cons?

A to Z 2014 : INCOGNITO

(An A to Z 2014 Challenge Entry)

In my opening A to Z post this year, ABSENCE, I spoke about my hiatus from the Blogosphere. As I’m prone to repeat myself, I also mentioned it in yesterday’s entry, HESITATION MARKS, as well.

I had a clear plan for my grand exit from blogging. A post I had been waiting to get out for months. One that had morphed so many times that it may be hard for me to recollect it’s originally intended content. It fluxed from silly, to emotional, back to silly, and then to emotionally supercharged.

No worries, it’s still a work in progress. Possibly still pertaining to leaving in some fashion. Oh, I know, all this cryptic pussyfooting is so dramatic. I can hardly contain myself...

When I decided to do the A to Z Challenge this year, I had the distinct intention of participating elsewhere. Somewhere completely unassociated with The Cryton Chronicles. I wanted to do it anonymously, distanced from those I had previously met while blogging. A solo act.

Be incognito.

I can’t fully explain why. It’s not like I have anything but love and joy for those I’ve known over the past year of blogging. I think I felt I would be able to focus more on writing for myself. It’s a known conflict I endure on a daily basis. It was the belief I wouldn’t be as overwhelmed with very little traffic and blog hopping to manage.

It sounds incredibly selfish, and I guess it is, but I honestly felt it may be necessary.

I’m glad I never went through with it, though. At least for the challenge. I made a compromise, however, that I wouldn’t share or post my blog entries on any social media. If others do it for me, that’s fine, but it’s something I decided not to engage in. Much to my surprise, Blogger is helping me by not notifying people who subscribe to get notifications (via email) until well over 15 hours after a posting. Even for posts scheduled for 2am, notifications aren’t sent out until past 9pm. So kudos to them, I guess, for somehow knowing my secret plan and assisting.

I feel like I’m still flying under the radar. Maybe not completely incognito, but nowhere near as prominent as I could attempt to be. People may catch a glimpse or three, but then I dash off into the shadows...

I’m going to end this before it starts to get creepy.

Have you ever desired to be Incognito? Left to your own devices to focus on yourself?

A to Z 2014 : HESITATION MARKS

(An A to Z 2014 Challenge Entry)

I’ve noticed in the miniscule time that I have been blogging that sometimes I get ideas for topics I feel a strong urge to talk about, but feel I lack the confidence of portraying said ideas accurately. That or they are controversial, and I want to refrain from pissing matches being engaged in the comments. I would hate if people, specifically blogger friends already connected with one another, came to hard feelings over these possible arguments.

On the other hand, if individuals aren’t able to be civil and respectful of one another’s thoughts and opinions, there isn’t a whole lot anyone can do about that. I shouldn’t (nor should you, as I’ve noted others speaking about similar hesitation over topics they wish to talk about) allow the behavior of others to dictate what it is I have the right to express.

Other times, I straight up chicken out. These are usually deeper, more personal topics, that cause me anxiety to even think about, let alone share with others. This is what happened back in my A to Z 2013 : DEMONS post. One of the final subjects of the topic was meant to be discussed later in the challenge. It never was. I’m not even going to claim I will get to it this year. I know better than that.

I’m just glad to be writing. Sure as shit, I had reservations about starting the blog back up after my hiatus. Still do. I’m already beginning to post later and later, becoming distracted by random things, falling behind on blog hopping.

The more prominent it all gets, the more I give pause. The more I give pause, the more opportunity I allow my self-confidence to fall victim to doubt. If my self-confidence falls victim to doubt, it leaves a mark.

Just how deep depends on my ability to accept the inevitable.

What happens, happens. And sometimes you are left with scars as reminders.

Have you ever refrained from posting/talking about a topic you are passionate about due to possible controversy? Due to lacking confidence of portraying it? Have you ever avoided a topic, being too afraid and/or unable to face whatever that subject may be?

V | INTERLUDE | V

-You’ve Got Mail-

A month ago I attended a Birthday BBQ. It was a lot of fun, but one of the best moments of the night (for me) was when some of the guests found out who I was.

“You’re Jak?!”

When someone exclaims that I’m torn on how to answer, because the reasoning behind it could be negative just as much as it could be positive. I’d only met some of them one other time roughly a year ago during holiday events. Did I offend someone? I swear a lot and speak “off the cuff”... occasionally. Were these people “Friends” or “Foes”? It’s important to know these things.

Turns out they’ve been receiving notifications (via Gmail) when I make a post on my blog. I found that odd, considering I never had them added to my social networks like Facebook — let alone Google+. So my settings have been sending out emails to people outside mutual circles. The cool thing? They didn’t really care, they just never knew who the hell I was.

So I joked about being the most famous person they’ll never know, made some new friends, and experimented. Finishing up a blog post while at said BBQ, I posted and waited. Moments later I heard chimes on multiple cell phones of friends and guests at the party. I laughed maniacally; mission accomplished. I’m easily amused.

Skip ahead to another party amongst a different group of friends, though, and I was met with a different tone. I received my first — officially voiced anyhow— complaint. I was asked if I could change that setting; turn it off. I felt bad, but after contemplation I figured there were ways to stop receiving said notifications... I’d seen the option myself when receiving notifications from fellow bloggers. So I explained this, but for a few weeks have been contemplating changing those settings.

I understand how it could be incredibly annoying during daily blog hop/challenges. Now with those ending, and my posting being a lot more infrequent, I haven’t worried too much about it. IF, however, it really pisses off the majority of my readers... then that’s a different story. I can just take a tally and make a personal “circle” for people specifically not interested in receiving email notifications when I make a post. The goal isn’t about irritating people, that’s for sure, but a lot of times — with following so many blogs — I wish more I followed used the email notifications. It would help me keep track of where I’m at and who I have yet to catch up with in terms of visiting.

Many posts are lost in my “feed” now.

Regardless of what is decided, I will always send out a notification for my fiction blog. The time lapse between entries there is usually weeks, if not months. So that one people will just have to suck up and endure!

Basically, I’m leaving it up to individuals to let me know if they want to be removed from circles I send notifications to, and believing in their ability to stop the notifications on their end (which I’d imagine most have done already).

INCOMING!

If you haven’t already stopped notifications and would like me to shift you to a non-notified Google+ Circle let me know. If needing help figuring out how to regulate the notifications from your end, I’m sure with our powers combined we can come up with a solution.