Jokes — I, JAK — The Cryton Chronicles

(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

Damn these questions! I was thinking it would be a breeze for me, but I was definitely wrong. They should be easy. Like this next prompt:

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

Oh, that should be fun and easy! I should have no issue talking about something I know a lot about, or explaining one of the million-bazillion things I’m good at! Then I start to think... What do I know a lot about? What am I really good at? And enough so that I can “educate” someone about it. I like to think of myself as more of a Jak-of-All-Trades. I dabble in many things, but not really an expert in any.

This reminds me of my interview for the new company that took over my current property. Name five things you are good at and/or positive traits. I can’t think of the question anymore, but it was along those lines. Could I do that? Nope. I think I came close... with four? That fourth took some time to get out.

Well, let’s try this anyway...

How to Make the Perfect Omelet

First, you will naturally need an egg; preferably a half dozen. You don’t want to drop any. No, that wouldn’t be good.

Secondly, you will need a pan. A round one would be best.

Third, a stove... or some apparatus to cook on.

Uh...

Fourth, utensils like a spatula, fork, bowl...

Hmm...

Fifth... I think you need milk...

...and a coconut...

Then... you put the egg in the coconut and drink it all up...

Yeah, no... Okay, so I’ve never made an omelet. Let’s try something else...

How to Unleash Number Five

In case you haven’t been following along, A handful of friends and I have been marked for death by a curse. The Curse of the Dark Babies. We are marked in sequential order as something bad happens to us. I am Number Two. Four and Five were undetermined, but I know without a doubt who Number Five will be. If need be, he will attempt to use Number Four as a bargaining chip, thinking it may buy him some time and appease the Dark Babies. They will pretend to comply, but he will be taken like the rest of us.

So I thought I would share the secret tactic to unleashing this fine (subjective) gentleman’s (also subjective) argumentative powers (fact)! I am good at it.

Wait... everyone is likely good at this...

In fact, I don’t think you really need to do anything to make it happen... it just happens automatically... no lessons needed...

BAH! Moving on to...

How to Tell a Non-Offensive Joke

A Zebra died and went to Heaven.

Upon reaching Heaven, the Zebra went up to God and said:

“God, I have to know,” he began, “am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?”

God took a deep breath and replied, “Well Zebra, if you are white with black stripes, you are what you are. If you are black with white stripes, you...”

Oh wait...

This is actually an offensive joke to some. So this wouldn’t actually count either.

OMN (Oh My Nuts, for the less initiated)

So, no omelets... no lessons on how to rile someone up... no good, clean non-offensive jokes...

What the hell AM I good at?!?!

And So Ends Another Episode...

...of Wasting Time with Jak.

I’d like to thank you for you all for your time and patience. It’s greatly appreciated!

So, I’m good at wasting time. I may even dare say an expert at it... but let’s not jump the gun.

The lesson is up there, somewhere... read between the lines.

I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain it all after the fact.

;-)

Featured In I, Jak

Dec 30, 2022

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Hello, Friend

It’s been a long while. I briefly discuss some of this year’s shortcomings, and in doing so, find it’s just more of the same.

Then I attempt to give a more positive spin…

Nov 5, 2021

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Extra Life Game Day 2021

Extra Life Game Day 2021 has arrived! It’s Year 8 for myself and I am looking forward to once again raise money for Gillette Children’s Specialty Healthcare. Team Cryton Crusaders is ready (kind of) for the annual fundraising event involving a 24-Hour Gaming Marathon! I kept last year’s fun, but likely impossible Milestone to reach!

Learn more about the challenge where my team and I play games and heal kids!

Featured

Dec 12, 2017

102 | TRAILER TUESDAY | 102

Welcome to Trailer Tuesday, a weekly Generation Jak blog series where a multitude of movie, video game, and sometimes even book trailers are highlighted for your viewing pleasure!

This week's Featured Trailers:
Jessica Jones Season 2 - Teaser Trailer | Ready Player One | Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom | Alita: Battle Angel | Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse - Teaser Trailer

Dec 5, 2017

101 | TRAILER TUESDAY | 101

May 30, 2017

A to Z 2017 [FLASH FICTION]: REFLECTIONS

This year's A to Z Challenge is over, but how did I fare with another attempt at producing Flash Fiction and Poetry throughout it all? Did I run into the same complications as last year?

Join me as I reflect on the challenge and the thoughts about my continued participation on Dreams in the Shade of Ink.

Apr 30, 2017

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A to Z 2017: ZACHARIAH

Dreams in the Shade of Ink is back with more Flash Fiction for the A to Z Challenge 2017! Last year my segments throughout April painted a puzzled tapestry of prose and I hope to provide some new, entertaining stories that you'll enjoy!

Come share in my inky dreams full of fiction, sprinkled with poetry!

A to Z 2017 [MAGIC MIXER]: REFLECTIONS

The A to Z Challenge 2017 is over and it's time to reflect on how the event went! There were booster pack openings, there were storylines and mechanics to observe within the world of Magic: The Gathering!

Join me as I discuss the ups and downs of this year's Magic Mixer theme.

A to Z 2017: ZENDIKAR

This year for the A to Z Challenge 2017 Meta MTG presents the Magic Mixer! What's that mean? Your guess is as good as mine... What I do know, however, is that this year's theme is obviously still all about Magic: The Gathering!

Join me as I attempt to highlight a different Magic set each day of the challenge in different ways, from pack openings to discussions about a set's storyline and/or mechanics!

A to Z 2017: JOKES

BEDiM 2013 : DAY 2

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