BEDiM 2013 : DAY 2

(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

Damn these questions! I was thinking it would be a breeze for me, but I was definitely wrong. They should be easy. Like this next prompt:

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

Oh, that should be fun and easy! I should have no issue talking about something I know a lot about, or explaining one of the million-bazillion things I’m good at! Then I start to think... What do I know a lot about? What am I really good at? And enough so that I can “educate” someone about it. I like to think of myself as more of a Jak-of-All-Trades. I dabble in many things, but not really an expert in any.

This reminds me of my interview for the new company that took over my current property. Name five things you are good at and/or positive traits. I can’t think of the question anymore, but it was along those lines. Could I do that? Nope. I think I came close... with four? That fourth took some time to get out.

Well, let’s try this anyway...

How to Make the Perfect Omelet

First, you will naturally need an egg; preferably a half dozen. You don’t want to drop any. No, that wouldn’t be good.

Secondly, you will need a pan. A round one would be best.

Third, a stove... or some apparatus to cook on.

Uh...

Fourth, utensils like a spatula, fork, bowl...

Hmm...

Fifth... I think you need milk...

...and a coconut...

Then... you put the egg in the coconut and drink it all up...

Yeah, no... Okay, so I’ve never made an omelet. Let’s try something else...

How to Unleash Number Five

In case you haven’t been following along, A handful of friends and I have been marked for death by a curse. The Curse of the Dark Babies. We are marked in sequential order as something bad happens to us. I am Number Two. Four and Five were undetermined, but I know without a doubt who Number Five will be. If need be, he will attempt to use Number Four as a bargaining chip, thinking it may buy him some time and appease the Dark Babies. They will pretend to comply, but he will be taken like the rest of us.

So I thought I would share the secret tactic to unleashing this fine (subjective)  gentleman’s (also subjective) argumentative powers (fact)! I am good at it.

Wait... everyone is likely good at this...

In fact, I don’t think you really need to do anything to make it happen... it just happens automatically... no lessons needed...

BAH! Moving on to...

How to Tell a Non-Offensive Joke

A Zebra died and went to Heaven.

Upon reaching Heaven, the Zebra went up to God and said:

“God, I have to know,” he began, “am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?”

God took a deep breath and replied, “Well Zebra, if you are white with black stripes, you are what you are. If you are black with white stripes, you...”

Oh wait...

This is actually an offensive joke to some. So this wouldn’t actually count either.

OMN (Oh My Nuts, for the less initiated)

So, no omelets... no lessons on how to rile someone up... no good, clean non-offensive jokes...

What the hell AM I good at?!?!

And So Ends Another Episode...

...of Wasting Time with Jak.

I’d like to thank you for you all for your time and patience. It’s greatly appreciated!

So, I’m good at wasting time. I may even dare say an expert at it... but let’s not jump the gun.

The lesson is up there, somewhere... read between the lines.

I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain it all after the fact.

;-)