after avoiding a moment of complete withdrawal from the world, things
have been chugging along decently. I haven’t shut everyone out, and I'm
not journey-bound to a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere to live a
life of seclusion... yet. To be honest, if I had a partner and learned a
bunch of that awesome survival stuff, that may not be too bad. Maybe a
pet dog too, unless I could tame a bear. Or both. Both would be best. A
thankfully things have calmed some and I’ve been attempting to focus on
other things. Things like working out, writing, and thinking about
trying to possibly find a job. That last one is probably the most
important. Time is ticking.
have taken steps to sell various “hobby” items and it’s tax season, but
the time has come to buck up and look for some work. Selling cards is a
slow business, at least with what I am trying to sell. I have a habit
of waiting too long and not selling while an item is hot and on the
move. Oh you cursed Collector in me. Damn you to hell.
There is a slight issue with the job hunt, though. I really
don’t want to work. Work a standard issue job, but more so...
interviewing. I hate interviewing. If I could just walk into a place,
hand them my résumé (one I need to revamp), fill out the appropriate
paperwork and just start working, I’d be all for it. Unfortunately, that
isn’t how the world works.
been spoiled some with having the freedom to make my own schedule for
the past six years. With the new company that has taken over, I may have
had a reduction in income, but at least I still have some freedom in
making my own hours. Getting back out into the real
world is going to strip that away mighty fast. Back to punching in and
clocking out. Battling traffic. Praying my car holds out. Some of this
is relieved if I get a job right down the road, which would be optimal.
way, I have this strong resistance to getting out there and just doing
it. This usually isn’t the norm. In the past, I would stockpile funds
and if things went sour somewhere I would have something to fall back
on. Once the funds dwindled, back out and nabbing a job I went. Given
the times, that may not be so easy to pull off anymore.
most painful part is disappointing those trying to help. I have some
friends, new and old, who are incredibly awesome at trying to amp me up
and help me find work. One friend, who is half the continent away, will
go off on me and load me up with tons of jobs in the area. I am thankful
she isn’t in close proximity only for the reason I fear she would
literally kick my ass.
friend is already threatening to kick me in the head. This is odd,
being another time (under more “peaceful” circumstances) I think she
wanted to kick me in the head too. Or, at least, that is what I thought
the result would be. Needless to say, she apparently really wants her
leg (or foot) around or in some close proximity to my face. It scares
I’m doubly thankful that these two individuals aren’t able to team up against me. I am sure I wouldn’t survive.
likely I will take up a friend’s offer to spruce up my résumé, and
start the hunt. Like I said, the clock is ticking down fast. As much as I
professed nonchalantly, in the past, about not caring about ending up a
bum—being homeless on the street—I would rather not go that route to
a “thank you” to all those helping me! It is greatly appreciated and I
will eventually get in gear, if for no other reason than having no other
- A Secondary Time Bomb -
Besides the job front, I have another time bomb counting down; my health.
this area seems to be improving. I recently joined a gym, and am
attempting to go at least three times a week. I figured I would start
off simple and build it up over time; small goals to begin with. Once I
am more adapted to it, I hope to advance my program.
week I watched an episode of Twin Cities Live and there was an
interview with a fitness trainer. He mentioned that it took twenty one
days to form a habit. There was no given time frame allowance between
each specific action, but I assume it would have to be relatively close.
Considering I usually go strong for 3 weeks, but then slack, this
sounded like it could be right.
of curiosity, I scanned through my notebook I began keeping tabs in
after being placed in the hospital. I kept track of what I ate, the
quantities/carbs, exercises, and sleep. At the time, I had begun to use
myself as my own guinea pig; a test subject. As I looked through the
various entries, I noticed that I began with simple exercises like sit
ups/push ups and then a gap of time doing nothing. Once getting back
into the groove of things, I had shifted to using my treadmill and
stationary bike. Then, once again, nothing. Each period was of about 2-3
weeks and then just died off.
my goal is to combine those exercises (never sure why I hadn’t before
and just shifted from one to the other over time), hit the gym more, and
hopefully forming a habit of it all. This is easier said than done with
me, but I am optimistic.
the way home from the gym this week, I had a crazy craving for Dairy
Queen. This likely stemmed from a friend and I driving by it, and them
mentioning possibly wanting ice cream. That sounded like a splendid
idea, but once I was done discussing something I wanted to talk about,
they were hot to trot to head home right quick. That hankering desire
for a Blizzard stuck with me, though.
that evening, coming home from the gym, I turned in towards DQ and then
had that inner struggle and instead of going through the drive through I
just parked in the lot. It was like I was literally fighting against
“Hey! You’re working out now, you can eat whatever you want!” my Craving said.
“But, wouldn’t that be counter-productive to my progress?” I retorted.
“Whaaaaaaaaaaat?! You know I don’t speak Spanish!” my Craving feigned confusion. It was too late, I was already on to it!
a while, I won out and avoided grabbing a Blizzard. I rationalized this
by instead optioning to grab a shake from McDs or BK. I could save a
few bucks, and it couldn’t be as bad
as a Blizzard could it? On the way there, I shifted over to the
appropriate lane to make the left turn, but then subconsciously moved
back over into the other lane and veered off onto a side road; one
leading back to my place. So I had avoided yet another attempt by
impulsive cravings to thwart me!
know they say that it's best to indulge a craving, now and again, to
avoid splurging and going nuts. I'm sure I will eat a handful of
unhealthy things while I travel down the path of better diet/exercise;
perhaps often. But, I can’t help but feel a bit proud that I was able to
counter the urge. Instead, I went and bought some fruit and enjoyed
All I know is, I have to get my head in the game, because time is running out.
Tick-tock, tick-tock and all that jazz.