Last
week my family said goodbye to my uncle. Things seem calmer, but it's
likely because everyone is going about their grieving in different ways.
That and the fact I am not in close proximity of most of my family
anymore. We aren’t talking states away, but I have a very small radius
of travel; something I want to change sooner than later.
I
spoke of another loss, one hopefully salvageable. It pales in
comparison to a death in the family, but it's an important matter,
nonetheless.
Before getting to that, though, I will start on a lighter note...
Your You’re the Writer
Yesterday
was my review for the new company I work for. I have to admit, I was a
little nervous. With everything going on the last few weeks, I had
fallen a bit behind. The company uses a Self-Assessment form, where you
critique your own work/skills/strengths/weaknesses/etc. It was
interesting. Similar to some of the questions asked in the interview I
had with the company.
Questions like: What are five strengths you possess?
Could
you believe I could only think of four during my interview? It
happened! Granted I was on thirty minutes of sleep, but still. I never
really think about those kinds of things. What I’m good at, strengths,
positive traits/skills. It was a bit easier this time around, thankfully.
I
couldn’t print out the form, so I ended up writing my answers on index
cards. I was excited when my manager seemed interested I used them. I
may be obsessed, I use them for many things. She let me start the
review.
“You’re the writer...” she began.
I
must have told her I wanted to write and forgot. I think I got
flustered, maybe embarrassed, and tried explaining I hadn’t written much
in a while. It was, however, encouraging to make sure I do a little
writing each day; especially my fiction.
The
review went really well. Things were in order and we spoke about
advancement opportunities, so I will be playing it by ear. It would be
nice to shift into a new role, learn some new skills. Overall it turned
out to be a good day, with a clearer outlook on the work front.
Wildflower
In a previous post, THE BRIDGE,
I mentioned a Wildcard associated with NaNoWriMo. This individual
played an important role in inspiring my writing, encouraging me to
complete NaNo, and fueling various other projects thereafter. Looking
back, I apparently wasn’t completely aware of just how influential the
individual had been to my work.
Now
the part that some may find hard to believe, is that I had specifically
asked for a Muse months ago. Asked the Universe, for all those new age
spiritualists out there. So, I got what I asked for, but unfortunately
not at the most opportune time, at least in terms of being able to
explore it to a desired capacity. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what I was
expecting. I just wanted to write again.
So
this Muse came into my life and that’s what happened. I began to write
again. More expansive than outlines and ideas. Spending time with them
somehow created a surge of inspiration and desire to create. I couldn’t
explain it and still can’t. It just was. It scared me; still does. It
played a factor in, to some extent, the breakdown discussed in that
earlier post linked above.
While
things were exciting for a time, eventually due to circumstances, the
connection had to be momentarily released. I hope it’s a very temporary
situation. It was important to myself to be realistic and honest about
the situation, rather than pretend I was okay with it or that things
would change. Continuing down that path would have bode negative for
both myself and them. Different people at different places, but perhaps
down the road the friendship will resume more fully.
Since
the severance, I have coincidentally been lacking in my fiction. I’m
sure a lot of it is in my head, but unless someone has known someone
that created this effect, I can’t explain it. It comes off as magical.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t contemplated sacrificing some happiness
in attempts to assure I could at least have access to just a taste now
and again. It can be very euphoric.
Music
plays a large role in my writing, and fuels a lot of my fiction. Not as
fleshed out, but little blips of scenes. I’m hoping it will suffice,
and that I can unlock that part of me that was unleashed when in the
presence of a Muse. The belief is, naturally, that the source is within
you and I agree (or so I will tell myself). The trouble comes in
accessing it freely.
Wildflower
is the name of a Smashing Pumpkins song I dedicated to this situation.
To me, the song is about someone chasing another who is always out of
reach. In doing so, eventually it becomes too much and they need to let
go, or risk the task consuming them. That is the simplistic explanation.
The
song took on a slightly different meaning when listening to it live,
where the singer had changed a line of lyrics from "When it's far too
gone, I'd move on" to "When it's all too much, I've had enough."
Originally, in context, it sounded like he was giving permission to the
other to move on once he became unmanageable. To go and be free and live
without him. With the change, it is more giving himself permission and
letting go (and how the original line was meant to be taken - at least
in my theory). Either way, give it a listen. I love it!
Flash Fiction
I
decided to try my hand at Flash Fiction. Essentially it is a piece
consisting of fewer words than a short story. I believe under a thousand
(or maybe three thousand?) words is common. There was a contest held a
few weeks ago and the rules specified for a piece of fiction of 250
words or less. Writing within these confines is sometimes referred to as
Micro Fiction. Also, as a fun twist, you had to use at least four of
ten pre-selected words.
The words:
EVENING-QUARRY-ACCENT-ROSE-TEAR-MINUTE-GRAVE-CLOSE-ENTRANCE-BOW
It
was a lot of fun and very challenging. I’d like to do more Flash
Fiction. I feel it will help me in terms of brevity with my fiction.
This past weekend I received the dreaded email stating my story didn’t
make it to the next round of judging. That is unfortunate, but was
expected. It was more for the experience of it. I don’t think I’ve
submitted anything into a contest since high school; maybe first grade.
The
piece was inspired by the circumstances involving the Muse, and also a
song I was inspired to write during the period we were in touch. For
that reason, it is a very personal story, but would love to share
it.
I’m
currently placing all of my fiction on a blog specifically designed for
my writing. You can read my Flash Fiction contest entry there:
Dreams in the Shade of Ink: Fireflies
Feel
free to check it out, comment, and explore the other writing projects I
am working on! Any constructive feedback is always welcomed; both here
and there.
Until
then, I will endure the only thing standing between that fleeting
inspiration and myself. Those words that wish to be written, but enjoy a
good game of hide-and-seek.
Time.
Have you ever had a Muse? For those out there inspired by music, what song(s) or band(s) really gets your mojo flowing? Have you ever written any Flash Fiction? I'd love to read some from others!
Have you ever had a Muse? For those out there inspired by music, what song(s) or band(s) really gets your mojo flowing? Have you ever written any Flash Fiction? I'd love to read some from others!
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