Letter F

A to Z 2017: FOOD MAGIC

A to Z 2017: FOOD MAGIC

This year for the A to Z Challenge 2017 I'm trying something completely different... vlogging! That's right, I'll be putting myself out there on YouTube, talking about who knows what for who knows how long! Come join in the conversation as I talk about a variety of topics throughout April.

Let the rambling begin!

A to Z 2016 : FLYWAY FILM FESTIVAL

A to Z 2016 : FLYWAY FILM FESTIVAL

Welcome to the 2016 A to Z Challenge on I, Jak! This year's theme is 2016 Highlights, where I will be blogging about things I have been looking forward to this year, whether people, places, or things. Some have already occurred, some are currently happening, and others are yet on the way.

Some topics may be a bit generic (occurring annually), while others will be specific to 2016, so come take a look!

A to Z 2015 : FORETOLD

A to Z 2015 : FORETOLD

Our next game is one I had the privilege of not only supporting on Kickstarter, but playtesting as well. That was an exciting aspect for me, though I didn't get to playtest as much as I had hoped to — definitely not due to the lack of attempting to get my hands on a prototype! While it's not overly complicated, this game has a lot going on.

We will see how brief I can be for the overview of...

A to Z 2013 : FINALITY

(An A to Z 2013 Challenge Entry)

I am not a writer.

That was the only thing said within this entry originally. It was short, simplistic, and spoke the truth; my truth. I found it very poetic. And brief for once in my life! Certain people — myself included — would appreciate that. After some sleep and a few hours of contemplation, though, I thought I would explain. Not out of obligation, but desire. I’ve met a handful of people I’ve really liked connecting with over this recent blogging endeavor; even more through the A to Z Challenge.

For my entire life I feel like I’ve been playing “writer,” never actually being one. In high school I would write and draw a lot. All the time. I wanted to do comics and novels and had big ideas. Once graduating, caring less about college, I thought I would write my first novel. Instead, I wrote nothing; for years.

People would always ask how my writing was coming along, and I would say it was going good. I thought about my writing all the time, but never put any action into getting it down. I would essentially lie about writing, because I wanted to be a writer that bad. I’m sure over time they knew — everyone; friends and family — that I wasn’t writing. It doesn’t take five years to write a novel, does it? Ten? Eventually people stopped inquiring, except some family.

After the 12 year block, some assistance from a book; NaNoWriMo; and encouragement I began to blog. I was writing once again. Unfortunately, life changes with my job and family caused a few hardships. The biggest downfall has been allowing myself to spiral into a financial pit. While I should have been looking for a job, over the last few months, I’ve instead focused more on my writing. Maybe stressing about my writing is more accurate.

Whichever the case, it provided a distraction from doing what I should be doing: taking care of business. Getting a job, becoming more financially secure, continue with my exercise regiment, eat healthier, etc etc. Most would think this could all be done simultaneously, and for some that is very possible. I know myself, though, and I tend to lack a healthy balance between parts of my life. I have odd — some would say fucked up — priorities.

The kicker to me is... despite the time spent focusing on my writing, very little has been produced. I’m constantly distracted by a multitude of things; games, women, interwebs, women, friends, women. Okay, I don’t have lots of women around, that was more of a joke.

Anyway, a friend stated about how I talk so much about my writing, but never do it. It brought back all those years of “pretending” I was a writer, and I felt like a fraud. Mixed in is association with friends/family who don’t like my writing and/or believe it to be sub par. Everyone is apparently a great writer — beyond myself — explaining why none are published and if so, still working standard mundane jobs to support themselves; their writing unable to do so. At least they can support themselves, which is more than I will be able to say about myself very shortly.

Sometimes the Toughest Choices Are the Smartest

Swiping this from a Facebook status update...

So, I am definitely a dreamer. Always dreaming about being a writer, but never being one. Blogging has been a great experience, but it is also a distraction from my fiction which I would like to continue. In light of this, I plan to take a hiatus from blogging in hopes of being able to focus on some important matters in life. Work, money, maybe my fiction. I’d hate to have to be a fraud my entire life.

I may get back to the blogosphere, may not. I am very appreciative of those who have encouraged and actively supported me. Those new connections I’ve made during my brief stint. I hope to continue reading a good handful of blogs I’ve happened across these past months. There is a lot of good writing, talent, and people involved!

You’ll notice the comments are disabled. I’m not looking for sympathy or to drag people further into my pity party. I know most I associate with are really good people, and so your farewells and good wishes are known without saying. Naturally, following along may be a moot point now. No hard feelings for unfollowing.

I’ll continue to be a dreamer, but for now I have to wake up to the really real world and take care of some shit and, to be honest, it still may not happen. Such is life.

Hopefully I get back into blogging again once things are more stable.

No promises.

And naturally... no pinky swears.