(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

Time for a short entry. No time to get all elaborate tonight! I was kind of stumped when it came to the following prompt:

Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

Sounds easy. Don’t eat the yellow snow, don’t pee into the wind, don’t eat the yellow snow after peeing into the wind...

I Can Be Your Hero Baby

I suffer from what I and others have dubbed: White Knight Syndrome. I’m not sure if that's an official term, but it’s fitting and kind of sums itself up nicely; I like to help people. I’m very empathetic towards people and their emotions, whether positive or negative. Much like that positive/negative aspect, this attribute can be a gift or act as a curse.

I’m naturally drawn towards those that need help. Some would say “broken”, but I feel everyone is “broken” in some shape or form. I want to help them; people use the “fix” term. Many of those I’ve dated throughout my lifetime have suffered from some variety of depression. Not just the “blues”, but severe depression, are bipolar, etc.

There are a multitude of worries I’ve had as to why I attract these people (given I believe in like attracts like) into my life. It surely doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, it naturally makes everything — almost every aspect of a relationship — more difficult. This depends on the severity of the affliction, but you get the idea. There is a very good chance a good handful of you know exactly what I’m talking about. This all would take a lengthy amount of time to delve into and, for purposes of this post, would act as a tangent.

What I want to say — the advice I have to give — for those who have a loved one (friend, family, lover) suffering from depression is: don't make yourself believe you can save them. You cannot save them. This statement still emotionally assaults me in a volatile fashion, because I don’t fully agree. I think any help you offer another is helping them. They may not accept it, but that isn’t on you. Though, helping isn't the same as saving.

More importantly, what I’m trying to explain is that a lot of times they don’t want/need you to save them. Sometimes it’s best to just be there for them. To support them through their hardships, to listen, to comfort, and to be compassionate. They don’t need you to be their doctor or their therapist; they have those (or really, really should) of a professional level. Though, I do feel I would make one hell of a therapist! Even if I were one, though, I wouldn’t want to be one to my significant other or loved one (even with the savings involved across the board).

It isn’t your job to fulfill these roles, and believe me when I say most individuals don’t want an “extra” playacting as one in their day to day. What they want is to be held. To be loved and know they have someone they can talk to, someone to share their feelings with, a shoulder to cry on. Someone to tell them everything is going to be okay and that they aren’t alone.

They don’t want you to be their superhero — a White Knight — tasked with fixing every perceived problem in their lives.

They just want your Love and Compassion. To simply be there.

Random Fun Fact #235: If you are able to balance and moderate helping someone — being there for them in their time of need — 9 times out of 10 you will end up being their hero.*

Do you, or anyone you know, suffer from a form of serious depression? Have you found yourself trying to help or “fix” someone you cared about?
*This fact is not backed by solid data or facts. Results may vary.
(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

Still truckin’ along after finally getting two hours of sleep this morning. Okay, make that four as I just woke up from a 2 hour on/off nap. Yes, I only wrote one sentence before passing out. Rackin’ in those Zzz’s yo! Let’s take a gander at today’s writing prompt:

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

Hmm... well, I definitely am not afraid of losing sleep. However, I’m afraid of passing out one of these times on my late night outings. I already have the desire to sleep when in a car (like a leftover relaxation effect from when I was an infant), and the lack of sleep really solidifies my body’s attempt to make it happen.

What else...

Fraught with the Freaky Deaky

I believe I share some of the standard fears many people have: Heights, clowns (you know do too), bees/wasps, etc. I don’t necessarily fear these things from afar, but close up is no good. Like spiders and bugs, I can be pretty passive about — where some freak out just at the sight of them — unless they are on me.

I guess I’m afraid of June Bugs, though. Those suckers are creepy and I’ve had a personal battle with one that almost left my newly purchased laptop in ruins. I can already feel the fear welling up... June is almost here...

Once I used to love sharks, but after Jaws and many shark shows/documentaries, that love turned to fear. So much so that I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable going out in the ocean ever. I can look out over the ocean from the safety of a beach or plane, but that’s close enough.

There are many little things I’m afraid of, but I can’t think of any one thing that is odd and bizarre that would be worth sharing. One of my “heavy hitters” is one that most every individual faces at some point in their life. Whether in their job/career, passions, family, relationships — or any other multitude of fitting settings — it can rear it’s ugly face.

“My Fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”
-Jack Kerouac

My one greatest fear is that of failure. This fear plagues my life from the simple mundane day to day tasks, to the unknown possibilities of the future. This is a factor in my ever present anxiety over new experiences. That whatever this new thing is, I will somehow fail at it. Some examples of the day to day would be:

Trying a new gas station. Are their pumps set up the same as the ones I’m accustomed to using? If not, am I going to be standing outside at the pump looking like an idiot?

Driving anywhere new. Just afraid of getting lost and stranded somewhere, especially if low on gas being the above fear has stopped me from refilling HA! This fear is one of the easiest to override. Most fears associated with going somewhere new involve the actual experience waiting for me at said destination.

These type of things seem silly — even to me — but they are real.

Then there are the things I am afraid of failing at on a larger scale:

Failure of my passions. This would involve my writing, first and foremost. That I won’t ever get around to actually writing the stories in my head. They will remain locked up, imprisoned and left to rot — to be forgotten — in the darkest recess of my mind.

Associated with this is the failure to accurately tell/share said stories. Will I be able to articulate all the things I see in my imagination? Enough so that others see what I do? I understand this isn’t always  the reality when it comes to writing. In fact, A lot of my writing — I think I’ve found — leaves a lot of room for interpretation, so that the reader can “fill-in-the-blank” with their own imagination. I find it to be an important aspect; to not completely overly define/describe anything and everything.

Then I fear I can’t describe things even on a simplistic level...

What if I do get it all out? What if, by chance, I do become published and my work is out there for the world to see? What if the world rejects it? While I don’t want to write for money — though, to be paid for doing so wouldn’t be brushed off — I do hope it reaches some sort of audience. That there will be some that will be touched by my story.

This directly conflicts with my struggle to accept that I’m writing for myself. If nothing more than to just get out the overabundance of ideas assaulting my creative vein. I can’t control who likes my writing, subject manner, plot/story,  or my odd, disjointed sense of communication. But yet, I fear it. It may be irrational, as I’m unfamiliar with any piece of work everyone simultaneous hates on a unanimous level, but I do.

I believe I’ve spoken about it before, but I seem to associate my getting published with making people proud. That I’ve actually amounted to something. I know, and tell myself on occasion, that friends and family are proud of me regardless of my accomplishments. So, I suppose I directly link it to my own self worth. That — to me — becoming published will signify to myself that I am indeed not a failure. As mentioned, though, I would then be attributing arbitrary factors (people liking my work) to represent my success.

So all of this tumbles around in my mind, day in and day out, as I try to quell the fears enough to just get my foot in the door. Past that point, rather, because it is in the door. I consider the blogging and fiction pieces I have up representation of that. But, this fear of failure is constantly attempting to crush my foot in the door. Applying pressure at exponential rates, to make quick work of me. Make an amputee of me, before my nonchalant take on Diabetes does. They are involved in a neck-to-neck race.

But Also

I have a deep-rooted fear of success.

OMN & FML

Do you happen to share any of the same fears as me? If so, which?
(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

It’s 1pm and I’m still up on no sleep from last night, so I feel like I better get this out or it won’t be happening at all. If I end up passing out, there is a good chance I won’t wake up until past midnight. Short and sweet today.

Day 6, Monday: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?

Hmm...

To me, that is an odd question. Usually “work” is automatically thrown in. “What do you do for work?” “Where do you work?” or some such. So this is pretty open ended, even if avoiding citing your job as there are no real parameters/restrictions beyond that.

What do I do?

I eat, I sleep, I game, I run, I play, I swing, I dance, I laugh, I cry...

I “insert whatever random activity here”...

But most importantly I... Well, I’ll let this little fella tell you for me, ‘cause that’s what I want to do:


That is exactly what I do! You should too!

BEDiM 2013 : DAY 5 & A to Z 2013 : REFLECTIONS

(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge & An A to Z 2013 Challenge Reflections Entry)

I will start with the shortest segment of this double combo super punch to the love cockles of the blogosphere; the BEDiM entry.

Today’s prompt:

Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member.

This really is a Combo post. A blending of two challenges into one...

Considering all the new friends I’ve made over the last few months, I feel there is no way to single out any one specific blog. During the A to Z I’ve made even more friends, all varying in their degrees of interaction with one another and myself. So instead of focusing on just one, I plan to highlight a handful of bloggers that I feel have been actively keeping up reading/commenting and building connections (whether during the A to Z or beyond).

Before getting there, though, I shall take a moment to reflect upon the A to Z Challenge 2013.

If I Could Do It All Again

The A to Z Challenge was a great experience, regardless of the pockets of stress, and momentary close breakdowns throughout! It opened the door to meeting many fellow bloggers, each with their own topics/themes/voices/styles. It's amazing really! I'm looking forward to keeping along with their own personal journeys through the blogosphere, as much as I hope they are interested to following along with mine.

That being said, however, I think attempting to follow over 20+ blogs (reading, commenting, and replying) was a bit overwhelming for me. I’m a slow reader, and while normally this is no big deal, combined with daily posts — while having to write my own — I could feel myself falling behind. I’ve already apologized, and plan to catch up where need be, so if some particular blogger isn’t okay with that, well I should reassess my bothering to follow along with them in the first place. I view this whole experience as a fun, sociable interaction with the blogosphere.

This may not have been such an issue had I written blogs in advance as advised by the Host/Co-Hosts in March. I am definitely planning to do so next year (maybe I will start right now!). It will cut down on half of the work, and I could spend more time reading fellow blogger posts, comment, and reply. I am amazed at how many people breezed through these difficulties, and I may be a tad bit jealous of them. So, this is one area of improvement I plan to make for next year. I may also attempt a theme. It seems like everyone who focused on a theme had a blast! We will see what I have going on next April before deciding.

It’s pretty obvious I would partake in the challenge again, pending having the time to do so. Most of the Host/Co-Hosts did a great job at interacting with participants and posting encouraging entries to spur everyone on all throughout the challenge. Overcoming my blocks of writing, by blogging every day, was a huge triumph for me. This is partially why I decided to go ahead with the Blog Every Day in May Challenge.

Overall it was a great experience with great people and am looking forward to next year!

Blogosphere Bonanza

Now to highlight a handful of bloggers that I know personally and/or were highly active throughout the challenge and the months leading up to it! A handful you may recognize from my Liebster Award entry back in March. I hope I didn’t forget anyone. I met many people towards the last half of the challenge, but this — honestly — is focused on those met from the beginning. I will still be catching up on unlisted blogs and following along!

Some you may already follow, but if not, check them out! When I visit blogs I try my best to remember to “Like” and Googlemend (Google Recommend — it will be a word... work with me!) each post. I believe in encouraging and promoting blog entries of fellow friends throughout the blogosphere (and I definitely don’t object to the same in return). So sally forth into uncharted realms of the blogosphere and support your comrades and make some great networking connections! You may find yourself some wonderful gems hidden out there just waiting for you to discover them. ;-)
A Fly on our (Chicken Coop) Wall: I don’t think she has shared her name with me, but it may be in the labyrinth of her blog. She has been at it for some time and I have some catching up to do. Looking at her numbers, though, I may want to stick to 2013 and beyond haha sweet lord almighty! Some random facts I’ve garnished: Her and her husband reproduce like rabbits, her family plays barn roof tennis (not for the faint of heart), she is a professional shaver, and is devoted to volunteer work. BUT she has a loud laugh, so only blogger buddies!

A Writer’s Journey: Jessica is still someone I'm learning about slowly as I go back over her past blog entries. She is a sneaky lil devil and has multiple blogs (which in a crazy move, involved both blogs in the A to Z challenge with different, but equally entertaining, themes). Her second blog is Closet Geek Gurl. While the first focuses more on her personal life as a writer, the second is her expression of geekiness to the blogosphere; her escape. What I came to find is that she writes books (and is published) about superheroes! How cool is that? I believe it is called Small Town Hero. She can correct me if I am mistaken. It's shaping up to be a series of undetermined length!

Behind These Pages: I met Tamara a few months ago (via The Warrior Muse). I want to say it was around the time we both (All three of us really) participated in a Flash Fiction contest. She just began her new blog, now partnered up with a friend, and I’ve yet to see which direction they plan on taking it. I had just met Tamara when she had to go on hiatus for a stint. She arrived just in time for the A to Z and is ready to rock out with her... So yeah, I'm looking forward to learning more about her and her friend!

Black Coffee and Cigarettes: Kirsten has at least three blogs, and sharing in Jessica’s craziness, she entered two in the A to Z Challenge! Why people?! Why?! lol Kirsten was the one who presented me with the Liebster Award (thank you so much, again!) and — regretfully — I’ve yet to fully explore her main blog. Short Story Ideas: is just as it says. A blog/site offering help with ideas for short stories. The A to Z focused on various prompts, so I still have to double back to try some of them. Then there is Just Ermie: about a character on the run from thought police, serial killer/spies, and most everything under the sun. It’s a lot of fun! Ermie got too far ahead of me, though, and she is a master of disguise. I’ll be catching up to her yet.

Meetings With My Muse: Kimberly has been blogging for a few years, and I’ve yet to delve into much beyond her A to Z posts (which highlighted a multitude of great resource links for writing, publishing, editing, finding agents, etc etc!) I also need to explore those abundance of links. I am curious to see what she posts about outside of the A to Z Challenge. She writes YA Fantasy and Science fiction, but I’m uncertain if published. I’d like to read some of her work.

One to One with Life: I believe Andy had just begun blogging this year, much like myself. His A to Z was a mix-match of philosophy, history, and random thoughts. I enjoyed reading along and he was very encouraging. He simply seems an all around great guy. Doesn’t hurt he has some tech knowledge and likes Doom! I hope he continues his blog, because I feel he has a lot of interesting stories/thoughts to share. Give him some good lovings! I know it can be hard to find readers/followers when starting out.

Poke The Rock: Jette is German, loves to dance, draws freaking uncomfortable things like a bear riding a tricycle with a smiling poop on its head! GAH! But, she draws many fantastical things and is very talented. She is a master of Finger Puppets, and I secretly plan to coax her into making me a personalized EmoJak finger puppet (hoody, solemn expression, bats, and all!) I just have to find the right bribing (or blackmail) material. She doesn’t think she is “deep”, but I happen to know she is in the “Thick of it” with all the challenges she is participating in.

Pull Up A Toadstool: I met Tracy partway through the A to Z. She was also one of those insane folks doing multiple tasks/challenges at once. She was participating in Nation Poetry Writing Month, I believe, while also doing A to Z! She had a lot of thought provoking topics/subject matter and it was great engaging in discussions about them. I will have to take a gander at some of the writing prompts she was partaking in during the challenge. I know I missed a lot, but should be easier to catch up now. She is so sweet, and was always positive in comments!

Randomness and Lunacy: She’s Random. She’s a Lunatic. She’s a Random Lunatic! Jenn was another blogger that always stuck it out through the torrents of posts and comments. She has been blogging and writing for a long time. I believe she has two books published and she is working on another! Actually I’ve found she is working on a good majority of projects. Very ambitious, this one. I should suck the ambition out of her like a vampire :) Jenn loves hockey, music, writing, and she works in her office (command center?) from home yet “bikes” four miles to and from work every day. Now that is awesome! I plan to adopt that regiment.

Simply She Goes: Kianwi had a fun theme of nostalgia for the A to Z. Not only that, but she worked in a contest to guess her age. Prizes included a grouping of nostalgic items from her childhood. I didn’t guess correctly, and I won’t share her age as I’ve learned that can get you slapped depending on the individual! I'm betting she is a slapper, based on knowledge that she coerces her dog to dress up and post blog posts on her behalf to deflect catching flack. I think she coerced Jette into participating in the A to Z too! How rude! ;-) Seriously, though, she is a lot of fun (even more so than I thought with recently garnished intel!) and look forward to going back over her pre A to Z postings and learning more about her! Even if she did try to get Boba Fett and Princess Leia to fall in love...

The Average Poet: I don’t know a whole lot about Robert. What I do know is that he loves poetry! His blog is chock full of his own personal poetry and it's awesome. He also had some (what seems to be) fiction work sprinkled throughout. If you are a fan of poetry I recommend checking out his work. Also, from glancing at his history, he has been blogging since 2005. That is a lot of freakin’ blogging!

The Mind Meanders: Kristen was one of my nominees for the Liebster Award. She had some interesting topics and even interviews during the A to Z. She recently came to acquire a publishing house and has plans to make her dreams and aspirations as a writer/publisher come true! The name of the company is Fey Publishing. Check them out. I believe they are working on the site and have even opened submissions. With everything going on, Kristen is still catching up on the challenge, so encouragement is welcomed. I wish her luck on her business endeavors and am excited to see how everything turns out.

The Tex Files: Tex was a roit! Their A to Z challenge was Grammaticats, which utilized pictures of cats to teach proper grammar. They were cute and hilarious. Crooks even made a guest appearance, in all his full-bellied glory! It sounds like Tex is taking a brief breather, but then I believe it’s back at it! I really liked the Grammaticats a lot, and would love to see more of them. Or something with a new theme would be great. I appreciate Tex’s in-your-face mentality! A very supportive, fun individual. And honestly, quite hilarious!
And last, but definitely not least...
The Warrior Muse: Shannon was one of my original Jakker Trakkers outside of people I knew personally. I’ve already recommended and referenced her blog multiple times. It's full of fantastic information about herself, her projects, writing in general, event/contest/submission information, and more. She has two pieces of work being published (short stories I believe, while her first novel is being queried — did I use that term correctly? lol) and I'm looking forward to checking them out. Shannon is also a Co-Host of the A to Z Challenge, participates in various writing events, and is one busy bee. She is a horror and Post-Apocalyptic/Dystopia fan (how I came across her blog originally), which is very sweet. I'm still learning more about her as I backtrack her blog.
Why Can’t We Be Friends

Most of the below are people I meet during NaNoWriMo 2012. Since that time I feel we have slowly been working on building our connections/friendships. Some of this group have known one another for a long time. I’m kind of the new kid on the block. A handful of the group realized from the beginning how awesome I am. Others take their sweet sweet time, which may be smart. I am a bit odd.
Sideways From Sunday: A friend made from NaNoWriMo more famously known as Number One! I think she is finally allowing me into her “inner circle” now that we are linked by a curse. She has started blogging more often now, and I hope she plans to continue. The topics are random and of a more “journal” format. She may fear whales, but she is good lookin’ and enjoys cookin’!

The Candence Journey: A NaNo 2012 ML and one of three friends of this grouping who joined the A to Z after it began. She is on a journey to unlocking her true inner self, after a lifetime of being what others expected. It’s interesting to keep up and explore her transition along with her as she comes into her own. Her new “self” so to speak. She plans to blog more regularly now that her itch to write has come back. Maybe she will even place up some fiction at some point too.

The Daily Discovery: This blog belongs to a friend I met a few months ago. She is passionate about helping people, and prefers working in the non-profit sector. She is a painter and writer, but her writing fell on the wayside for a time. She was very encouraging to me during the A to Z and I greatly appreciated it. Eventually her words began to flow again, and she even signed on to the Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge! How cool is that? I’m glad she is writing again, and hope she keeps at it this time. As long as she doesn’t neglect her painting!

The Pleasantest Life: This is the blog of Number Three and a new friend made during NaNoWriMo 2012. She became inspired to blog again after a hiatus and joined the A to Z late. At this time she is still catching up, but plans to continue. No set theme, but has some important topics she wishes to discuss (hence the delay —  trying to get them just right). She has a great sense of humor, yells her shouts (or shouts her yells?), owns both a cane and a magic walking stick, and walks like a grandma. Grandma status subject to change based on health.

Unfocus: Ah Number Five. He (also from NaNo 2012) joined into the A to Z Challenge from the outside about a week into the event. I believe he is still working on catching up and always has some random repostings/rebloggings (he uses Tumblr, where it seems reblogging is a way of life). But fair warning, a handful are of a mature nature. Hope he continues through to Z. I think he should blog about some of his occult knowledge/experiences!
Let’s Wrap This Up

Whew! That was exhausting! I hope you can find time, over the next few weeks, to continue following along with both myself and some new bloggers! Spread the love!

If any of the links are inaccurate/broken, please let me know and I will fix them up :)

I appreciate all your support and encouragement :) 

If you participated in the A to Z Challenge, have you made your Reflections post yet? Anything you would do differently next year? Do you have an all-time favorite blog you enjoy to read and would highly recommend?

BEDiM 2013 : DAY 4

(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

I am really going to enjoy the challenge on the docket today!

Today’s prompt:

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it.

I love me some QUOTES! So this is definitely a prompt I can get behind with few worries. There are so many to choose from, though. You think this would present me with some sort of challenge but...

This was actually an easy pick. Despite having already done a blog post on quotes, I seem to have left out one of my most favorites (and one I use often). So I will share it today. I’m sure a good many of you will remember/recognize it.

“Get busy living or get busy dying.” - Andy Dufresne/Stephen King (The Shawshank Redemption)

This is my one of my all-time favorite movies. It’s one I can watch over and over again. If it would happen to be on TV while flipping channels (if I had a TV I could watch on), I’d stop and watch it, regardless of whatever part of the movie is on. I love it!

If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. It’s an adaptation (by Frank Darabont, who rocks and keeps close to written material) of Stephen King’s novella Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption. I also really enjoyed the novella. While some characters (mainly wardens) were blended for sake of the movie, and some actor choices for characters that didn’t seem to match story descriptions (this is always an issue with movie adaptations, though), the movie stayed relatively close to the story.

I love the quote itself, because I feel it’s just simply fitting for life. Period. I’ve repeated this quote many times over the years, randomly like most things I do. Sometimes, though, I actually contemplate it. Get busy living or get busy dying. It really is as simple a choice as that. The reason it’s profound for me, and sticks with me all this time (aside from loving the novella/movie) is that I feel I keep making the wrong choice. Or at least the option I want to avoid: get busy dying.

I feel like I’ve not really done all I could to really live and feel I am missing out on many of the experiences life has to offer. Traveling for one, learning random knowledge, just exploring the world (and all the things) in general. I kind of shack up in my own little bubble. Like the inmates of The Shawshank Redemption, I feel institutionalized (my original A to Z “I” topic). That I wouldn’t survive out there in the real world. so I remain in my own little prison cell.

I get out a lot more, mind you, but definitely still feel confined/restrained. It feels like I’m waiting for that burst within. Something that will break open the door that is already bulging in its frame, allowing me to fully embrace the world and anything/everything in it. I feel so close at times, but then I just push it away and rationalize that I am safer this way. No way of getting “hurt” in my bubble!

So sometimes the above statement/quote really gets to me. Slowly it tries to get under my skin where it hopes to make its way into my veins and bones, overtake my body completely, and spring me into action. Let’s hope it succeeds at some point, before it is too late.

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It’s been a long while. I briefly discuss some of this year’s shortcomings, and in doing so, find it’s just more of the same.

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Extra Life Game Day 2021
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This year's A to Z Challenge is over, but how did I fare with another attempt at producing Flash Fiction and Poetry throughout it all? Did I run into the same complications as last year?

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This year for the A to Z Challenge 2017 Meta MTG presents the Magic Mixer! What's that mean? Your guess is as good as mine... What I do know, however, is that this year's theme is obviously still all about Magic: The Gathering!

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