(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)
Alright, no cheating tonight. Nothing but genuine time and effort on tonight’s entry. Let’s hope it isn’t a doozy.
Today prompt:
Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you.
Hmm... interesting. This could take some time to contemplate. So many lessons, but did I ever learn any of them?
Life Lessons
#1: Keep your dick in your pants.
This
was offered to me, right off the bat, from a friend sitting across from
me after I told her what the challenge prompt was. I politely told her
that I believe they very much so taught that at school. So we need a new
starting lesson.
New #1: You can’t always get what you want.
I
learned this early in life, and it wasn’t specifically taught in
school. I’m sure in it’s infancy it revolved around toys and food.
Though, I’ve found if dedicated/determined enough, you can get a batch
of pot brownies even if it’s placed out of reach on top of the fridge. I
guess this is usually associated with materialistic things, but could
include metaphysical desires like love of specific people.
The
Rolling Stones do a decent rendition on the topic, and I will — forever
more — associate the song with the opening to the pilot of
Californication. If you don’t mind vulgarity and sex, I highly recommend
it. David Duchovny is splendid.
#2: It‘s okay to kill someone as long as they are a bad person.
I
will credit this lesson to Dexter*. It’s important to be 100% positive,
and it’s equally important (at least up to Season 3 where I am currently at) that you follow
the specific Code of Harry. I’m squeamish when it comes to blood, but it's nice to know if it came down to it, I can right the wrongs of
others. As long as I keep it a secret and... well... I suppose working
for the police would help.
#3: Always make sure a woman isn’t a Cylon before sleeping with them.
Thanks
BSG* (Battlestar Galactica)! Actually, come to think of it, I may not
care Cylon or not... *shrugs* Don’t judge! Plus if something happened to
her, there would always be a replacement. Just saying... DON’T FRACKING JUDGE ME!
#4: Always Double-Tap zombies.
Sound
advice from Zombieland! If you refuse to follow this rule, you have no
one to blame but yourself when you become an undead chew toy.
But,
make sure famous celebrities are actually minions of the underworld before
you fuck them up. Unless you dislike them. Then have at it.
Also, fuck running zombies.
#5: Never feed a Mogwai after Midnight.
Personally,
I feel you can get them wet to multiply them. I’d want an army of
Mogwai. If one gets out of line? Throw the fucker in bright light (or a
microwave) as an example to the rest of the Runt Brigade.
Feeding them, though? Oh hell no. Ugly bastards and I’ve no desire to try to save the world from an army of Gremlins.
#6: Avoid red shirts in space.
If
you find yourself exploring the vast reaches of space, are on a
reconnaissance mission, and you are wearing a red shirt... consider
yourself fucked. That is all.
#7: Always bet on black.
Thanks Blade! Stay out of trouble, bro. Pay your taxes! The human race needs you to exterminate all the vampires!
#8: The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.
…
Who
says TV and movies corrupt the mind?! They are nuts. There are
obviously many very important life lessons to be learned and garnished
from such forms of entertainment. Hopefully some of these lessons I’ve
imparted to you enrich your lives in all manner of positive fashion.
*Please refrain from Dexter and BSG spoilers. I am behind on ALL the things :-(
Are you already familiar with any of the lessons above? Are you a fan of any of their origins?
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