(An A to Z 2013 Challenge Entry)



Olive Branch

From the past you come forth with the offerings of peace.
Let bygones be bygones, we can be friends at the least.
Did I think it was impossible after all of the years
Through the hardships, fears, and waterfall tears.
It may be hard knowing that I’m still so far
But let’s not forget why we are where we are
Choices were made, consequences will be met
Giving things time would be your best bet

There’s no need for rhymes for our story is no fairytale
Nor a children’s book or love song
But the love is still there as it will always be
The place in our hearts where the others still beats
Regardless of time and the pain interlacing
Connections remain true, forever both a curse and a blessing

At this time we both know boundaries have been broken
While respect should be met at the cost of one’s good intentions
Self love is the key to everyone’s salvation
Seclusion a trick of our mind’s disillusion
Train always your heart, body, and soul
In the end you’ll be free and once again find yourself whole
(An A to Z 2013 Challenge Entry)

Childhood. I always remembered the phrase: “as a kid you always want to grow up, but when you do you wish you could be a kid again.” Okay, I’m not completely certain that is exact, but you know what I’m talking about.

Sometimes kids try to grow up too fast. I think some don’t get to fully experience being young, whether by choice or forced (forced makes me think of those children beauty pageants that make me incredibly sick to my stomach). They can’t wait to have this profession or that (usually a cowboy or princess), can’t wait to drive, can’t wait to have a family; the aspirations changing through the years.

I can’t recall if I wanted to grow up fast or not. I know I wanted to be a cowboy, a cop, a private detective, and then a bounty hunter (are you seeing a theme here?). Then dreams of being an artist/writer of comic books and novels came about. I don’t think this meant I wanted to grow up any faster, but like I said I can’t recall my state of mind. My family would, but I haven’t asked them previously.

One thing I do know is that I can’t recall a lot of my childhood; just little blips. I see pictures my relatives will post, and I’ve absolutely no recollection of the event/time frame. We aren’t talking only pictures of when an infant to three years old, but where I seem to be ten or older. Not exactly sure why I can’t remember these events. People have tried to hypothesis a handful of reasons, most usually involving trauma.

Resistance is Futile

A good chunk of what I do remember, however, are times I wish I could revisit/relive. Some of my favorite memories revolve around my creativity. For example, I would make games for my brothers and I to play together. These games could involve paper, cardboard bricks, or whatever else I had access to.

The main building block... to many of these creations were Legos. I would use our coffee table to build an entire street of a town. Sometimes I would enact a movie for them, but other times we would play a game. The game had no real name really (that I recall), and it was a variant of one I made with G.I. Joes (we were all boys, so yeah).

I guess it was called Friday the 13th after the movies, because that was my premise. You had a character and you decided which location/house you wanted to be at in town. I’d then use cards, which were shuffled (every day I’m shufflin’), and lay them out face down in front of the locations. I think I sometimes allowed for a character move now and again, but once everyone was ready I would then flip up the cards one by one. Those that were inside the Lego house marked by a face card died. What killed them? You know... ghosts. It was a haunted Lego city no one moved out of... just moved a lot on the same street.

We all loved playing that game. Even the G.I. Joe version it originated from which used books as “cabins” and an “outhouse” was popular among them; the killing being dished out by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-esque Jason Voorhees.

Eventually the games got a bit more complicated; dice were added to the mix. One of my favorite games consisted of constructing a Lego base that was besieged by the Borg (of Star Trek origin, if you weren’t geeky enough). You had a limited amount of space you could move, and if you were engaged by a Borg you would “battle” by rolling the dice. Our characters got 2 or 3 lives before being assimilated. The other characters (I guess Red Shirts by all accounts) would only have one. It all played out like an epic movie. Trust me. I know. I was there!

The Brothers, The Brothers

Through the years, after (and during) all the sibling rivalry/fights, the four of us have gamed together; Magic: the Gathering, board/card games, but mainly video games. Once we all got our own places/families/lives we had a weekly designated Game Night (generally Tuesday evenings). My brothers would come over — their TVs and game systems in tow — and we would spend the entire night gaming together. This was usually the highlight of my week, and I’d like to think it was for them too. If someone couldn’t make it, we would get pretty huffy.

Like with all things losing its appeal, eventually attendance dwindled as life dictated, and eventually we all chose one system (Xbox) to play on. Soon everyone had the internet, were online, and could game together from home. Game Night was reborn!

Again, that too began to flux, to the point where now I may game with one of my brothers every few weeks. This is partly due to the fact that I don’t game as much, and two of my brothers don’t play on Xbox anymore. I’ve just recently made up for it some by seeing those two brothers on Monday’s and playing with them on the horrid PS3. The third brother I see often on Xbox still and we play when able.

I long for a monthly (being weekly may be unrealistic) Game Night where we can all get together and game again. It spawned from our holiday tradition of playing video games at family gatherings — like Thanksgiving — while the rest of the family watched football, and I am a creature of habit.

Touched

What I miss the most, though, is that creativity. I guess it makes sense that I would have aspirations to be a writer; writer’s can create entire worlds, people, etc. A game designer was also high on my list. I even began to create a card game, but eventually almost all of that — along with most of my writing — was lost in multiple hard drive crashes.

I like creating things for people, but mostly for those I love and cherish. Over the last few years, I feel as though I’ve lost that creative spark. I get little surges of inspiration, but I never end up following through and finishing any projects. This is where the lack of motivation comes into play. I never have the lack of ideas, just the lack of drive.

I wish I could channel that ability I had when I was a child growing up. To be continually active in creating new things for myself and those I care about; for the world. For anyone and everyone to enjoy if they saw fit. To see or hear about how something I brought into the world touched someone in a very positive way. Touched their heart.

Even if just producing one more additional smile or laugh in this stream of life.

What did you want to grow up to be as a child? What games would you play with your siblings? Any sibling traditions? What are you most nostalgic about?
(And A to Z 2013 Challenge Entry)

Once again I had planned an entry, but when coming time to sit down and write I get stuck. Like I have too much to say, not enough, or what I want to say isn’t going to be of interest to anyone. The post was going to be about Magic: the Gathering, a collectible card game I’ve been obsessed with, on and off, throughout the years.

Where would I begin? Go into the history of MtG? How to play? Why I am passionate about it? Talk about the blog I want to start based on the game? Question if my love for board/card/video games makes me some sort of man-child?

So anyhow, I just sit there. It’s like I’m back in my party days — drunk — staring at the hyperdrive-star screensaver in some stranger’s office. Except that was a lot funner, because I could pretend I was in Star Wars.

So I’m suffering from the lack of motivation on multiple fronts: “M” topic, job hunting, doing the laundry. Bleh. Suckage.

I’d rather just spend time catching up on blogs and commenting for now. I think that's how I'll spend my evening. I think I have an “N” entry that can cover some of these random, missed subjects. I will focus on that.

A friend wanted me to write about MacGyver. Considering I’ve never seen the series, I thought I would compromise with a video I recently saw posted:


Happy writing everyone!

Ever have a persistent lack of motivation? Any hints/tricks to get out of a funk?

A to Z 2013 : LOST

(An A to Z 2013 Challenge Entry)

All week I’ve been excited about “L” so that I could talk about LEGOS. It seems strange, but considering they were among my favorite toys during my childhood — along side my army men and G.I. Joes — it felt fitting. I wouldn’t have been able to promise anything in depth. Though after my random stream-of-consciousness-esque post for “K” yesterday, I imagine it best not to delve too deep into my crazed mind today.

I wanted another short entry. I’ve lots of catching up to do, since falling behind on blogs I follow. I sat here and I just couldn’t think of anything. It's only 7pm — no big deal, right? — but I’ve disliked how close I’ve come to almost missing the daily deadline. Not that there are any repercussions or that anyone would care; except me. I would know, and I would undoubtedly care.

Sitting here, in contemplation, I’ve been struck by the overbearing feeling of being lost...

LOST & Found

LOST is one of my most favorite television series. Possibly my number one, which was once held by Alias (both series have the same creator: J.J. Abrams). What’s not to love about it? It has action, drama, mystery, romance, sci-fi elements, and even Polar Bears! POLAR BEARS!

If you didn’t already know, LOST is a show about a group of people that survive a plane crash and become stranded on an island. It isn’t too long into the pilot episode that we discover that the island contains its fair share of mysteries, and that the survivors are not alone.Throughout the series these castaways fight/struggle amongst themselves, their inner demons,  and unexplainable forces — all the while, discovering an abundance of secrets the island holds —  as they try to find a way back home

The series is very heavily character driven (just the way I like them) and continually explores the inner workings of each main character, piece by piece; their past, their demons, their dreams. There are many great characters, and many times when watching a show/movie I like to pick one I like — in a way, to represent me. It’s something I've done since a child. Will my character end up good or evil? Will they survive? It’s fun, don’t judge.

Locke & Load

While some would expect me to pick Jack Shephard — given my name obsession — my character is John Locke. It was tough to choose between the two, each having their own draw to me. Jack and Locke had many differences of opinion/philosophy, which were mirrored in the series recurring theme of Science Vs Faith. He was arguably the heart of the show, at least for me. Being one of the most tragic of characters, his initial “reveal/secret” and journey of self-discovery after crashing on the island was one of the strongest elements keeping me glued to LOST.

Simply put, Locke is a badass. In fact, in my Liebster Award answer regarding what fictional character would I be, I feel dirty he wasn’t listed. I'm going to fix that right now! Maybe the fact he was played by Terry O’Quinn (who I’ve been a fan of for a long time) added to this perception. I don’t think so, though, as Locke is a series favorite for many. The part is so well written and acted, the character’s story arc thought-provoking and inspirational.

If I was stranded alongside the survivors of LOST, John Locke would be an individual I would want in my corner. Showing me how to hunt, talking about philosophy, and screaming into the night. I’m pretty sure he’d have my back. As long as I didn’t tell him what he couldn’t do.

All Good Things Must Come to an End

Unfortunately the series came to a close after six seasons. By the final season, many viewers — including myself — were distraught there may not be enough time to wrap up all the story arcs and explain the countless mysteries uncovered during the shows airing. We (the viewers) had been told that the end was planned from the beginning, and that while most mysteries would be explained, not all would. That the unanswered questions were part of the show’s “magic” and appeal.

This concerned me, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Like most, I had invested too much time to just walk away. The creators knew this; bastards. In the end, it was like they said, most major mysteries were explained. I use “explained” loosely.

And what about the ending itself? All I will say is that I thought it was an incredibly beautiful/poetic, fitting end for the series. I don’t think I could have imagined it any other way. I am trying to refrain from saying “perfect,” but it may have been, within the context of the series.

There Can Be Only One

So, Is LOST number one? King of my favorite television series? I came into the series at the fourth season. This was literally like a double-edged sword. I could watch the first three seasons straight through (marathon style), but had to wait weekly/yearly for the last three. It was torture. I couldn’t wait for more, I wanted more, I needed more LOST. I spent countless hours reading forums/discussion boards, discussing with family and friends — hypothesizing/debating — and having my thoughts and dreams invaded by it.

It would be a fitting champion.

I am catching up on so many series, though — Battlestar Galactica, Dexter, Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead — it’s hard to say which will eventually reign supreme.

One thing I know for sure is that LOST will always rank among the top, and hold a secure place in my “database” (memory), even if some of the specifics were... lost... over time (Give me a break! I’ve only seen it through its entirety once, which is a crime on its own... I know, I know).

It’s about time I went back and got... lost... on the island, once again.

“We have to go back!”

Don’t judge.

So so so so much more I could/want to talk about, but being brief... Keep it short... Breathe...

Did you watch LOST? If so, who was your favorite character? Did you love or hate the series finale? Do you have an all-time favorite TV series? If so, which and why?

A to Z 2013 : KALEIDOSCOPE

(An A to Z 2013 Challenge Entry)

I am a leaf on the wind.

Sometimes it feels like I have no control over the path I am taking. I am but a passenger. If I struggle, go against the flow, I am met with turbulence. Dramatic eruptions spin me out of my element, and I am initially powerless against the impact. Bombarded, I endure the assault until I learn how to let go; learn I am choosing this. To eventually embrace the calm and once again fall back into the stream. Wrapping myself in the warmth and comfort of not familiarity, but acceptance and understanding.

If I were a kite I could go against the grain. Head held high and soaring to new heights, with a constant surge and birds-eye view. Should the gusty source falter or confidence dip, the plummeting to rock bottom is sealed; no hope for a grip. I love kites, but I never fly them because I think of Benjamin Franklin. From a simple storm comes such a great lesson

During Inception I had a full bladder. I kept thinking “How many damn levels are in this multi-tiered dreaming ladder?” And why the hell was there so much rain? Not just in blips, but excruciatingly prolonged slow-motion, screwing with my brain. Finally the end was near, the end to my strife! No wait — Level Five? — fuck my fucken life!

I’ve always wanted to be a private detective. I only wore the fedora twice, because I couldn’t get a case. Was it my stance, lack of motivation, or that I move at a slow pace? Getting in shape was the key. I could talk about how I bought kale a few times. But I didn’t eat it, I just put in the freezer. I didn’t know what to do with it — I just knew it was healthy.

Grey is a color, one that I adore. The Grey has wolves and in my subconscious opened a door.

My thoughts swim, and glide, and dance, and collide. It can be hard to focus on just one at a time. They want to merge and blend, yet remain independent. Just when I think I have something that makes sense, I open my mouth and in return I receive stares.

I advise that when Jak-speak is involved it’s best to not ask questions. Some students learn fast, other take their time.

I should buy a boat.