It’s been a long while, so I thought I would give a brief look into the reason(s) behind my absence. You’ll have to forgive my potentially awkward, stilted jibber-jabber. It may take some time for me to get warmed up…
It's safe to say that my time spent in the Blogosphere has been brief when compared to others, especially considering how sparse my contributions have been in that time frame. And while I understand, possibly unbeknownst to some less familiar, that the bonds created can be a bit fickle, it doesn't detract from the fact that real, positive friendships are made. And that the people you come into contact with can leave everlasting impressions.
This is one of those people.
Almost forgot about that whole “squandering of my life” part... bummer. Squandering is a term I’ve used over the past few years. While I may not be anywhere close to where I thought I would be in life, I feel I have been in a position to where I could have changed that. Granted, I feel like that is something that can be done at any given time, for the most part, for anyone. Not to be a stick in the mud, though, to all of those “anything is possible” proclaimers out there. I am sometimes one of them. But if I were to lose half my torso and limbs in an accident, and had you telling me my dreams of being an All-Star Olympic track runner was still “possible,” I would likely smile while imagining all sorts of ways that I could do ungodly amounts of bodily harm to you until you were dead. One scenario of which involving some gum, a paper clip, and a rubber band.
That’s right, I would MacGyver the shit out of you... with my mind. And I would laugh and laugh and laugh, ironically thinking that maybe things weren’t so bad after all.
Fortunately, I am not in that position, nor was that ever a dream of mine (being an Olympian). On the flip side, I have had much time where I could have went back to school, worked a standard job and saved up a massive amount of money, or done anything beneficial for the human race. Instead I did basically nothing productive. I still saw friends, dated, shared in hobbies and passions, etc etc. As far as bettering myself in a handful of key ways, though? Nothing. Except spiritually. That is also another topic for another entry.
So when a friend mentioned he knew I was just kind of “waiting” until the end of the world, it really struck home. Over the past five years or so, I’ve been trying to make a lot of changes in my life. I start out strong, many times, but then fall off the wagon. Spiritually, I feel I’ve achieved quite a bit. Physically and health-wise beyond that? Not so much. There has always been the urge and desire to improve on those area and, like I said, I go for a spurt and then sputter.
While it is very true I have concerns about my health and the possible resulting doom I invite unto myself, I feel that I have taken a new belief to the whole “death” aspect. With varying changes I have made already, and being more proactive in certain areas (some over these past few month alone), I feel that I was mistaken. Hoping I was mistaken, I should say. I still believe a death will occur, but I believe it is on a more metaphysical level. That the “old” me will die, while the new bursts forth and takes a better hold on life.
That I will experience what I would consider: A new beginning.
It won’t be easy, and I’ve certainly a long way to go. Blogging and expressing myself is but one of the steps I am taking to reach this place of being.
I plan to, over the course of writing this blog, delve into all varieties of bits and pieces that make up who I am.
As a lot of people know, it can take a lot to get me to do something new... hell even anything, at times. Sometimes I take baby steps, and others I jump right in. Either way, all of it is exciting and scary as all hell! I am greatly appreciative of all those who have, and who choose to, stay the course with me. It definitely isn’t easy sometimes.
So, as they say: “Out with the old...”